I wasn’t planning on letting him do it yesterday, but it’s the way it worked out. We sat down and discussed what would be options for lunch.

“Chuck E Cheese?”

“Yes, we can go to Chuck E. Cheese and NOT eat for free because we already have tokens”

“ok, what if we eat there?”

“40 bucks”

“omg that’s my whole day’s allowance, never mind”

“good you’re getting the point”

“how about John’s Pizza?”

“have you ever seen us walk out of there for less than 50 bucks? they MAKE you eat there, Zach”

“oh cross that off the list then, that’s not doable”

And on and on it went:

If we eat at home: sandwiches, chips, fruit, and drinks I’ll charge you 2 dollars a person. Assuming it’s just us 3 that is 6 bucks.

Subway – $15 (but that is assuming daddy is with us)

Red Robin’s – $30

So he circled Subway thinking it was a good idea, but as the list grew he found that he wanted to spend his money elsewhere so he chose to make lunch at home.

Our activities list was plentiful:

Bounce house w/coupon – $7 for 2 hours

CEC – 0 because of existing tokens

Swimming pool at Grammie’s – 0

making an obstacle course in the backyard – supplies you have to buy once, but then can play with again and again – roughly 15 bucks

playground- 0

bike ride – 0

camping out in the living room – 0

snacks for camping out – $1 for a bag of popcorn $1 for 4 smores $1 per blender of smoothies

renting a movie – $4

netflixing a movie – 0 (well technically)

watching a movie we own -0

So in the end, he made decisions and was VERY serious about it and our day ended up costing  a bit for the obstacle course because he got water balloons, and cones, and a couple of hula hoops, but he created a great obstacle course for Sean and himself and when we got home. This is the kind of creativity and togetherness I was hoping to encourage with this exercise so I’m really very happy with the results

They ended up camping out and having popcorn and smores and smoothies and we watched Harry Potter for movie night together (which was another of my 101 things lol, nothing like getting those 2 birds!). 

Great day, great lesson Great smores

and I’ll be super honest here… I have not wanted to go in my son’s room because of how disorganized it was in there, but I had no idea the level of grossness that lurked in there.

So I went on a tiny little mission…to get the SHIT OUT OF HIS ROOM

at first it was done out of a place of anger.  I started throwing all the trash in a bag and I bagged stuff to list on freecycle.  A woman wanted dinosaurs for her son so that is where I started and it became a sort of madness after that.  A bag of transformers, a bag of random mcdonalds toys and assorted figures that had none of their weapons, etc. 

One bag went to a daycare, another to a little boy with autism (the dinosaurs), another to a Transformer collector, so some good came of it too.

As box after box was emptied and bag after bag was placed on the porch for pick up, I became less angry.  I wasn’t completely heartless, I saved toys he actually does play with like Ben 10 and Bakugan and this really cool rocket launcher he got as a school prize…but stuff he hasn’t played with since Sean was born? Come ON.

So the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles found a new home and so did the Incredibles toys and some old Justice League guys…

The most important part for me (and it did not phase Zach one bit, so no worries) is that I gave away the last 2 toys my grandfather ever bought for Zach.  Imaginext Knights and a Playmobil Treasure Chest.  It’s almost brought me a bittersweet feeling when he’s played with these toys in the past ever since my grandfather died, but lately these poor things have been collecting dust and Sean hasn’t been really all that interested.  So now someone else is enjoying these things.  Sean did keep one dragon disc shooter because he helped collect all the discs from the bottom of the box, so it’s not all gone.  The important lesson here though is that I let go of something that represented a tangible memory for me…and he is no less real or memorable to me by having done so, nor to the kids.

And here is the kicker of the day.  This is a boy who started off the day pissing me off with the state of his room and ended up melting my heart just moments ago…

Zach said to me “Now that toys I didn’t play with anyway are gone, when you tell me to clean up it won’t take me so long and then you and I can spend more time together” SNIFF, oh my, pass me a hanky, baby!

And he just told Sean ‘You should get rid of some of your toys too and then we can play with our favorite stuff’

THIS is the justification and the approval I needed to feel like I was doing the right thing. I feel like I’m teaching them the right things - to value time together vs. stuff (not to say stuff isn’t fun, but too much is TOO MUCH)

Thank you boys, thank you.

all

hell

breaks

loose

“OH NO I DROPPED MY WAND. Mommy we HAVE to go back in and get it!!!”

“Um Sean there’s ice cream melting and I think we’re going to have to get a new one”

“I-I-I-d-d-d-o-o-n’-t.. *gasp gasp* w-w-a-a-a-n-n-t  a *gasp…lungs may fall out* n-n-n-e-wwwwwww ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. PUHLEASE we-we-we- have to g-g-g-o  buh-*gasp*-ah- *gasp*-ck *gasp sniffle and out falls one lung* and g-g-g-e-t my Soo-oop-ooper W-w-w-h-y wand. I-i-i            m-i-s-sss my w-a-n-dd, i-i-zzzz  mine FAVORITE TOY!” (uh not what you said this morning when you chose to take squirrel to the gym as your favorite toy)

“Ok, Sean you know what I see a parking space up front, we have to run in but it might not be there still”

“yayyyyy *SNIIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFF*”

park

run

run

run

spot wand on desk of person in the self check out line

“excuse me, that’s our wand, thanks so much”

“MY WAND ! It’s OK! Thank you Mommy, you’re my favorite. I’m so happy now. I love you wand. I love you Mommy.”

Ok kid, you’re my favorite (youngest son) too and I would only do this for you (and that other kid that I gave birth to).

and then after all that I got to deal with parking lot asshole – see next post.

and the worst thing is…this WAS in the job description, so it’s not like I wasn’t forewarned.

Dear A-hole in the Navy Blue  Sequoia,

I got this space, went inside the store, came back out and proceeded to put my kid into his carseat…where in there did you see my written invitation to honk at me as though I were taking too long?  I got here first and technically until I LEAVE the damn space it’s mine. Yes, mad with power am I.  Oh possibly mad with, oh I don’t know, “having my child strapped into the car so that he doesn’t die on the way home” syndrome too…

So let’s just say you are lucky I had ice cream in the car or I would have sat there even longer to prove my point. 

Sincerely,

Buckles Child into Carseat and Doesn’t Give a Shit About You or Your Obviously Malfunctioning Car Horn.

I am wondering this because Sylar…Spock… Zachary Quinto… keeps working his way into my thoughts.  No, I’m not gonna leave my hubby for the smoldering stare type (although I’m also a big big fan of Adam Lambert and these boys could be kin…), but it is cracking me up how, if my husband would allow it, I might hang a fold out poster of Quinto (from a teen mag of course) on our wall.

Meeting Guy Fieri was awesome, but in my head he’s the ‘pal’ type celebrity.  If I were ever to meet Zachary Quinto I think I might turn to jelly and I don’t feel that way about anybody but my hubby.

But for .47 seconds Matt might have to move over and share that spot in my heart that I have for the new Spock…that’s an eternity to an android.

Next week could go either way…my best friend and I are usually on the same side about everything, but she’s a Kris fan and I’m an Adam.  So one of us is going to feel that Clay Aiken moment again.

Hmm, funny – we saw the Clay Aiken upset together during her grad school graduation week… I remember we got very vocal about it… LOL

At the same time there are always the self-doubts that creep in.

“what if nobody buys anything”

“what if nobody likes my stuff”

But honestly, people HAVE bought my stuff before and a good few of them were even people I didn’t know, so it wasn’t just pity friend and family purchases lol.  And what’s more … *I* like my stuff.  I like making things, I like making people smile and I love watching people glow and feel beautiful when they wear something I’ve made.

So today I had to go to Trader Joe’s.  I wanted to get some extra exercise (having just come from the gym LOL)  and I wanted to check out the bread company next to the Starbucks.  So I drove around and parked in a spot that is not usual for me when I go to Trader Joe’s…and who should I park next to?  Yes, the car I parked next to belonged to the woman who owns the boutique.  (she has a sign on her car for the shop).

And then I forgot to buy something for a dish I’m making tonight, so I stopped at Whole Foods on my way home and my checker’s name was Forrest…which also happened to be my dad’s name. And his tag said “I am here to help”. 

These were great “signs” that I’ve made the right decision. Even if it brings me nothing in the end financially it is bringing me a lot in experience and adventure.

(and I also got to cross off one of my things on the 101 list too)

My goal as of late has been to rid my life of material items that don’t bring me happiness or aren’t useful to me in some way.  In doing that I have emptied my life of things and have looked forward to filling my life with… well, LIFE!  Not exactly a bucket list because my bucket list is full of things that I hope to look forward to and won’t be plausible til I’m older and wiser (and richer), but for me this list will be about moving toward positive change as well as pushing me out of my comfort zone.  And maybe it’s a little cheaty, but I feel like I had this mental list and there are things on it that I’ve been able to accomplish  so I’m including those too as it’s an ongoing project. And Bren you were so organized, so thanks, it helps me set this up easier!

Exercise/Health

1. Continue to train for and run/walk/jog in my first 5K

2. Do one of the offered classes at the gym, 12 times (6/12)

5/11 went back to spin class and it was awesome!

5/14 ooh Pilates was great – could be a regular Thursday morning thing… AND I did my full regular workout afterward!

5/18 did spin again and abs workout after. Might try the yoga next week.

5/20 Yoga! Intermediate yoga. I can’t believe it and I’m so proud of myself because I was much more flexible than I thought and definitely stronger. I got myself into one legged chair pose pretty well. 

5/21 Pilates again and it was great – mini ball this week vs the big ball last time.

6/2 Pilates – didn’t know there was one on Tuesdays. It kind of interferes with the farmer’s market though so I’m trying to juggle that.

3.  Make it to the top of the 1st column on the rock wall and ring the bell

4. Get past my fear of riding my bike in the street with the trailer and make it all the way to the Farmer’s Market at least one time

5. Walk the kids to school every day that it is not poor weather for 120 days  (5/120)

6. Lose 30 lbs, but aim for losing 40 lbs and maintaining once I get there

7. Go for a physical

8. Stop being chicken and go back to the dentist

9. Take swim lessons again

10. Put sunscreen on face every morning, even if it’s raining, for 30 days (10/30)

11. Take probiotic/flora balance pill for 30 days to see if it helps (27/30)

5/11 so far so good – i feel great

5/20 over halfway done and this has changed my life. I can go confidently about my life

5/29 yeah this stuff’s changed my life. I should buy stock.

12. Bike to the gym one day, by myself, without the trailer. Just to see if I can do it. If I have energy left, stay at the gym and workout. If not, no biggie

13. Run a mile on the treadmill

5/12 and I could have kept going, so maybe I’m finally going to kick asthma in the ass

14. Run 2 miles on the treadmill

5/14 tantalizingly close!!! I am so so proud of myself and my crap ass lungs for hanging in there with me. I think they are getting used to surviving with less air or something lol…as if they are independent from me right? LOL I did 1.87 miles and then cooled down. Ah, SOON

5/19 HELLZ TO THE YEAH! I ran 2.3 miles with  only 2 small breaks for water…

15. Hit over 200 SPM on elliptical

5/13 that’s right, I hit 210 strides per minute while doing an interval on a level 8 resistance. Not too shabby!

16. Run 3 miles on treadmill

17. Sign up for a 5K and run/walk til I finish no matter how long it takes me.

18. Go to sleep before midnight for 5 days in a row (0/5)

Recreation (and pushing comfort zone!)

1. Ok, I WILL try paintball once to make my husband happy and to say I got pelted with little balls

2. I hate bugs, but I will go camping and deal with it because my family seems to really want to go camping

3. Go go-karting with friends and fam

4. FINALLY take those motorcycle lessons I have been talking about up at the college

5. Go snowmobiling again

6. Build a snowman

7. Dive from the diving board, even if it isn’t graceful

8. Cast a fishing line just once, even if I catch nothing

Community

1. Check out every single playground/park that we have in Roseville.  Whether we stay and play in it will be up to the safety and integrity of the things there, but we have MANY MANY beautiful playgrounds available and I should utilize them all. 

2. Visit the water park in Rocklin that I always see on the way to the cupcake store.

3. Continue my visits to the farmer’s market in the whole foods parking lot

5/19 I have gained “NORM” status at the Farmer’s Market LOL. 

4. Make it a point to join my in-laws for the farmer’s market at Denio’s

5. Go with my mom to the farmer’s market in the Sunrise mall parking lot which we’ve heard is fabulous

6. Join freecycle and begin sharing the wealth 5/5

7. Take a leap and sell my jewelry and photographs in the local boutique that contacted me. I think I am worth it and will give it a shot at least through this Christmas. 5/6

8. Call and get involved in the Great Roseville clean-up

9. Organize all of the items I have been storing all year for the Socks and Gloves Program.

5/24 I cleaned up the entire close that these items resided in. It looks fab and I did organize all this stuff. It’s nice to see what I have and what I still need.

10. Donate all unused hygiene items to Salvation Army (already in suitcase to go, just have to drop it off)

5/29 Went this morning to drop it off and they were doing a coffee and breakfast handout before letting people do their shower day so it was perfect timing

11. Take the kids to the Discovery Museum now that Sean is old enough to appreciate it

5/19 OOH in looking for my old passport I found free admission tickets for this – summer plans are underway

12. Get tickets and do the Polar Express train because I think pretty soon it’s gonna be too late to impress Zach with it

13. RAK 10 strangers in big or small ways (0/10)

5/21 We have been freecycling and I don’t see that as a RAK necessarily, but in two of the bags I did include extra goodies.  Well maybe these are RAKs, but I want to do specific ones not related to freecycle

A Little ME Time

1. One consecutive (or nearly consecutive) hour a day for reading for 30 days (5/30)

2. Unplug from the internet and phone world for one week…and obviously will update that at the end of that week LOL

3. Do not fall asleep to the tv, just turn it off…for one week (this is hard to imagine!) (3/7)

5/11 it was late, nothing was on, we turned it off…it was really really hard lol

5/29 I have been so exhausted these last few days I just turned the tv off  and went to bed…not before midnight though so i can’t cross that one off LOL

4. Get a pedi or massage once a month for 6 months (1/6)

going for mother’s day 5/9/09 with Trish

5. Learn to use hairsticks 5/5

6. Do the “Mad World” photography project that I’ve been thinking about over and over again for months now.

7. Drink a cup of tea every day (6/1001)

8. Read some of my old poetry

9. Write some new poetry

10. Take a photo and blog about it.  Do this 60 times. (0/60)

11. Write a blog entry every day for a week straight (0/7)

12. Read the much hyped about Twilight Series

13. Read the entire Harry Potter Series

14. Buy a season of Broadway musical tickets

15. Buy tix to local theater small productions and take the boys because Zach seems to love theater just like his mommy and daddy – he wants to be in the musical next year at school. 

Family & Friends

1. Resurrect Friday Movie Night at least 2 times a month (1/66)

5/23 – Harry Potter. Figured we better start watching it now so we can see it when it comes out in July!

2. Plan a boys day for Matt and Zach at least once a month for 6 months (0/6)

3. Plan a boys day for Matt and Sean at least once a month for 6 months (0/6)

4. Plan a date night/day for Zach and me at least once a month for 6 months (0/6)

5. Plan a date night/day for Sean and me at least once a month for 6 months (0/6)

6. Plan a date night for me and the hubby at least once a month for 12 months (2/12)

5/29 we are going out of town to see old friends and we’re not taking the kids. It may not be a one on one date, but it’s just us two

6/3 we had a great time on our date seeing old friends – ended the night with breakfast at Denny’s at 2 a.m.

7. Have my in-laws and mom over at least once a month for dinner and games for 12 months that has nothing to do with a holiday or special occassion (1/12)

5/22 i’m counting this day – it was our anniversary but we weren’t celebrating it with them, we just wanted to have them over to play games and have dinner.

5/29 well I invited them over, so we’ll see what the answer is lol – the answer was no as my ILs were out of town, but my mom came over and I got the fire alarm to go off because of the grease that got spit up on the burner coil (broiler)..joy.

8. Plan a family outing at least once a month for the 4 of us for 3 months (1/3)

5/20 we are planning to try to take the boys to see Night at the Museum and UP – if we do early bird specials we’ll be able to do both. Maybe we’ll plan some lunch afterward. Maybe an indoor picnic.  Can’t do outdoor. I got eaten alive by mosquitoes last weekend.

5/24 We did the night at the museum early bird special today! We did our indoor picnic last night, but that was part of Zach’s budget day.

6/3 – we are going to see “UP” on Thursday

9. Let Zach plan a day for our family on a small budget

5/23  http://allingoodtime.wordpress.com/2009/05/24/were-on-a-mission/

10. Reinstate YES DAYS once a month for 6 months as long as it is absolutely free (stuff we have in the house or can do in the community) (0/6)

11. Find a way to get together with my cousins on my mom’s side… we’re not as close as I wish we were.

6/3 I got back in touch with one of my cousins and we have sent out a FB invite for us all to get together next month. I haven’t heard back yet.  I also am trying to track down two of my other cousins.

12. Hang out with GB, my cousin on my dad’s side.

13. RAK 10 of my friends with something I make or buy (0/10)

14. Plan a girls weekend…if we can afford it and our children will let us leave…we should take it!

15. Plan as many get togethers as I can. I’m getting lots less shy about this and am so happy to meet up with many friends from the past and present.

5/21 well actually since this list began I have gotten together with a few people and some were a surprise too.  We have plans for next weekend to meet up with more we haven’t seen for a VERY long time!  what do you know, we CAN be social, honey!

5/26 met Diana for lunch today – great meet up, good grub and what do you know, they were bull’s horns not devil horns LOL

5/30 hung out with friends for Toto’s pizza for lunch, went to Michele’s get together and afterward headed to Pier 23.  Awesome weekend making new friends and hanging out with old ones

6/3 – TRYING to go out to the Bay Area in a couple of weeks, meeting up with friends. HOPING!

Food

1. Learn to cook 5  new meals (6/5)

5/6(cook yourself thin cheesy lasagna with mushrooms and veggies)

5/8 ok i’m not counting this as one, but I cooked a lasagna that was ‘normal’ for Matt and it turned out so good that my mother-in-law said “that’s good” and it is HER original recipe so that is HIGH PRAISE!

5/18 ok, this is not really COOKING per se, but it was a new recipe and I dared to share and i think it turned out yummy. It was a tweaked tuna lettuce wrap recipe from Cook Yourself Thin – and a cucumber side salad for crunch. It was a hint of Asian with rice wine vinegar and sesame oil/seeds – delish!

5/21 not a recipe (so i guess not counting lol) but I made a yummy flatbread pizza today. whole wheat pocketless pita, spread with pesto, skim mozz, mini bell peppers, sun dried tomatoes, and 2 types of mushrooms. SO good!

5/23 grilled teriyaki pork and grilled pineapple – brought my mom some – devoured and delish

5/24 Chicken fingers made with cornflakes seen on Cook Yourself Thin – interesting… not sure if cornflake flavor is something I can get past. 

5/28 Tomato, Basil, Fresh Mozzerella and Balsamic on Ciabatta.  Grilled it up and it was darn tasty!  A sandwich may not count as a meal i learned to cook LOL but I’m not giving up.

5/29 Making teriyaki kabobs tonight – have it marinating right now – mmm

2. Use slow cooker to cook one meal per week for 6 weeks (1/6)

5/5(Lentil Soup – thanks for the recipe Shauna)

3. Discover 10 new restaurants/eateries (1/10)

   5/5(El Parian – Mexican food – reminded me of El Faro’s, but nothing will ever be El Faro’s except El Faro’s…old El Faro’s with the authentic chips)

Finances/Important Stuff

1. With the exception of my husband’s student loan, be debt free.

5/11 REALLY really close to this one

5/18 even closer – just 2 more to pay off

5/27 Victorious on the credit card debt! We have no more credit card debt. It’s beautiful.

5/29 Aggressively paying off loan hoping to be done by the time we go on cruise in August then we can CELEBRATE our freedom with our vacay!

2. Build our savings back to where it was

5/29 in order to aggressively pay the loan and be done really soon, this has to go on the back burner. 

3. Get to work on redoing my will

4. Invest in 401K

5. Buy into stock option plan at Matt’s work

5/20 found out the open enrollment for this is happening now. Not doable now, but next OE is in 6 months and we’re going to try to aim for that.

6. Revise the budget after some crazy stuff passes here

Travel

1. Go with my mom to Denmark to see family I have not seen since I was in high school with a couple of exceptions that came to the states a handful of years ago.

2. Take the kids for a Legoland, Disneyland, San Diego vacation.

3. Visit Bren and the family and see their new home!

4. Visit Erin and see Cheese Chain when he arrives…don’t know if she’d want me there for the birth since I’m sure that room will be crammed LOL

5/20 i’m realizing that this list is helping me just live my life more fully. I know that is its intention, but I’m surprised at how awesome it feels. Almost like Jim Carrey in Yes Man LOL!  I say this because we did talk about visiting and we are making an actual plan to do so when he arrives!

5. Go back to New York and have a proper long visit this time…

6. Go to Disney World

7. Go to Hawaii

8. Have a get together with old friends at the Zoo or Discovery Museum or Exploratorium

9. Walk across the Golden Gate Bridge

10. Visit Alcatraz w/the kids

11. Go on a proper boat ride that doesn’t involve spreading ashes or saying goodbye of any kind

5/20 does the cruise count? I believe it should!!! But then again I know Matt wants to take a boat out on Folsom Lake someday, so maybe I’ll leave this one unchecked for him

12. Go on an Alaskan cruise

5/14 we are making reservations for this – departing in August before school starts again for Zach. I am SO STINKING EXCITED

5/20 BRENDA’S FAMILY is JOINING US!!!! I get to go on vacation with my best friend.  We’ve been friends for 22 years and this will be like our 3rd vacation together (Santa Cruz, Vegas) but our first as married family women

Odds and Ends:

1. Finish this list… because I’m a mom and I don’t have time to finish it in one sitting lmao

5/21 even though my very last one is not a goal, but a hope – I think my list is finally complete As complete as an ever changing journey can be.

2. Continue my decluttering until I have decluttered every corner of this house and given away anything that doesn’t make me happy and isn’t useful to me or this household. 

5/20 making SERIOUS progress on this.  Big nose is gone.  He waved goodbye to us today … I’m gonna miss that big ass dog.  We got him at Target for like 59 bucks back in 1997 before we had kids.  I’m really procrastinating on doing my closet though. I’ve been through lots of stuff, given away or sold most everything useless in several other rooms… now the big one is left LOL.

6/3 – I have taken a tiny break because it’s making me a little sad and I want it to be a happy thing. 

3. Become part of a theater production again, even if it’s just blocking and painting sets.

4. No more paper plates, plastic cups, or plastic utensils.  Use real items everyday for 30 days. (27/30)

5/20 I’m so proud of us.  At first it was a super conscious effort and now it’s a couple of “whoops” moments and soon it will be second nature.  We are going to reward this by getting ourselves some proper glasses (Matt has been using Zach’s plastic color changing cup from Discovery Museum) and utensils. 

5/24 even Zach is really getting on board and conscious now  

5/29 treated ourselves to a new set of utensils and freecycled the old ones.  We had those since we lived in O’side 12 years ago.  I thought we were worth the new set for $12.96 LOL

5. No more bottled water (will finish what I have)  use only Brita filter or straight from tap fountain water at the gym for 60 days (27/60)

5/20 working on finishing up the water we have left. Have been making sweet tea for Matt and have been using tap/Brita water for myself

6. Ok, ok, I think I have to seriously start planning this 20 year reunion for high school don’t I.  Will seriously get to work planning it. 

7. Shred all things unnecessary

8. Make myself a pair of earrings  – I’ve made everyone else amazing earrings that won’t hurt the ears, it’s my turn to have some lol

6/2 made some cute earrings – I have a feeling that they match the ones I made Trish though LOL

9. Find my compassion and then find my voice

5/21 this is sort of cheating because it’s something I specifically want to do tomorrow about an incident that happened tonight. I will not just ‘let it go’. I will start from a place of compassion and if there was no reason for the actions that took place I will begin whooping ass and I’m not joking.

5/24 I confronted him – he apologized in a roundabout way – and I found that voice and I was proud

10. Buy 15 handmade items – for myself or for gifts – to support the crafting community that I am a part of! (0/15)

11. This is my final “1″ thing on the list and I refuse to write something specific because I want this to be that place holder where ANYTHING miraculous and awesome can happen if I just push myself to do it.  There are so many things this list is pushing me to do and my life is feeling really full because of it. I wouldn’t dare lock myself in by writing one final thing to complete I have more than 101 things I want to do with my life…

5/29 Went to the Oriental Market today.  It was a biggie for me, so I just wanted to write it down. 

I have had some recent financial issues, which is about as far as I am willing to go on this subject and only those who are closest to me know the depths.  I was given a light at the end of the tunnel even though it’s a very long tunnel, it’s straight and narrow and I can see the end.

This recent financial ‘scare’, as it were, made me really refocus on what the important things are in my life. The most important being my children and my husband and the time I’m able to spend with them and the things I can do to better enrich our lives together as a family on as little as possible.  And it is possible.  And it’s actually fun.  If you’re lucky enough to be one of my Facebok friends I have been posting photos of some daily activities and with the use of old gift cards, new school rewards (earned by my son), and the use of public play areas, we’ve had a million dollars worth of fun in the past few months for pennies. 

So I have begun decluttering here and there and if you know me, you know that is a huge thing. I am a PACKRAT from way way back…  It’s an emotional process as well as a physical one. It’s totally easy to get rid of things that you just don’t use anymore and know you will have no use for in the future or that just got kicked to the side for awhile (seriously my family can step over, walk past, and expertly ignore a Bounce dryer sheet, that the cat has pulled out of the laundry basket, like nobody’s business…they should medal in the ignoring of trash on the floor).  But it’s a lot different to look at an item that once brought you joy or brings back a memory (good or bad) and make the decision to cut it from your life forever by placing it in a black Hefty bag.  I have taken to asking ‘Does this make me happy?’ or ‘Is there a use for it in the next 6 months?’ Surprisingly the answer has been no quite a few times. (of course things that belong to other people I have put into piles for return, such as books and movies, you’ll be happy to know if you lent me something LOL)

For me it’s pretty hard to part with books, but I’ve even been able to put a few into a bag to trade for cash or credit at the Almost Perfect Bookstore.  As I’m emptying my life of things, I feel my life becoming more full of possibilities. (ooh yes, I went all Hallmark on you)

I’m a photographer and this has been one of the most important ways for me to keep a memory without true physical clutter.  It was amusing to me as I cleared my mantle (once filled with beanie babies, trinkets from a time with a person I don’t even speak to anymore, music boxes that i’ve hated and yet held on to because my father bought them for me) that I was searching frantically for a wedding photo of me and my hubby to put up because that’s what every home seems to have…but that isn’t us. 

In this moment as I was searching for that photo I discovered something wonderful.  This really is MY life.  I don’t have to live it by anybody’s rules except my own (and the county’s…apparently they get all uppity when you want to display yourself publicly in your birthday suit).  My wedding day was a nice day and all, but it was just one day.  And I was bloated and gross and my aunt took the photos and she underexposed half of them and I really didn’t care for any of my photos at all.  But what I do care about is the photo of us dancing at my best friend’s wedding, our recent trip to the beach, and us making crazy faces together.  Looking at THESE pictures (which I now have displayed proudly where that silly self-imposed obligation wedding photo would have gone) you will get a sense of who we are and what we are about and what matters most…it is here you will see the marriage and the family we’ve created. I’m proud to display these photos and I’m proud to be part of this family (who let me decorate however I wish LOL).

So as I took all the remnants from the mantle and bookshelves, I put them in a box and I joined Freecycle.  You probably have one in your area and basically it’s just a group where you list stuff you have and you GIVE it to someone else who can give it a good home when you no longer want it. (It’s the epitome of “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure”). 

My first post had to be an offer.  No problem at all. Someone needed material because she was learning to sew.  I had old material when I used to make my own photo studio backdrops, so I contacted her.  (and mom if you’re reading this, yes, I meet in a public place and I actually have a check-in system with a friend when I’m done with the meeting). 

There were several wants and several offers and one caught my eye.  A woman’s unemployment check didn’t stretch far enough this month and she needed food for her dogs and cats and her family.  I don’t have a lot of extra to spare, but I really think if you can’t help out your neighbor then this world really is crap.  Could she be playing me and several other freecyclers? Sure, but that’s when faith kicks in.  And if a baggie of cat food, a few milkbones, and some pop tarts and pancake mix can help, then that is something I’m ok taking a chance on.

So what I’m saying is that I thought I had it really really bad and in my reality it is really really bad…but I have a pantry full of food and a network of friends and family that wouldn’t ever let me or my family starve.

So I am completely blessed and richer than I thought I was because of that fact. And now I’m going to go pay it forward.

“do cups with the football until Zach gets to 5 bucks ok?”

you’d only understand too if you were us and you watched Friends