who is worse off than you think you are.  And not that it makes your problems any less real, any less important, any less difficult, but it absolutely puts things into perspective. 

I have had some recent financial issues, which is about as far as I am willing to go on this subject and only those who are closest to me know the depths.  I was given a light at the end of the tunnel even though it’s a very long tunnel, it’s straight and narrow and I can see the end.

This recent financial ’scare’, as it were, made me really refocus on what the important things are in my life. The most important being my children and my husband and the time I’m able to spend with them and the things I can do to better enrich our lives together as a family on as little as possible.  And it is possible.  And it’s actually fun.  If you’re lucky enough to be one of my Facebok friends I have been posting photos of some daily activities and with the use of old gift cards, new school rewards (earned by my son), and the use of public play areas, we’ve had a million dollars worth of fun in the past few months for pennies. 

So I have begun decluttering here and there and if you know me, you know that is a huge thing. I am a PACKRAT from way way back…  It’s an emotional process as well as a physical one. It’s totally easy to get rid of things that you just don’t use anymore and know you will have no use for in the future or that just got kicked to the side for awhile (seriously my family can step over, walk past, and expertly ignore a Bounce dryer sheet, that the cat has pulled out of the laundry basket, like nobody’s business…they should medal in the ignoring of trash on the floor).  But it’s a lot different to look at an item that once brought you joy or brings back a memory (good or bad) and make the decision to cut it from your life forever by placing it in a black Hefty bag.  I have taken to asking ‘Does this make me happy?’ or ‘Is there a use for it in the next 6 months?’ Surprisingly the answer has been no quite a few times. (of course things that belong to other people I have put into piles for return, such as books and movies, you’ll be happy to know if you lent me something LOL)

For me it’s pretty hard to part with books, but I’ve even been able to put a few into a bag to trade for cash or credit at the Almost Perfect Bookstore.  As I’m emptying my life of things, I feel my life becoming more full of possibilities. (ooh yes, I went all Hallmark on you)

I’m a photographer and this has been one of the most important ways for me to keep a memory without true physical clutter.  It was amusing to me as I cleared my mantle (once filled with beanie babies, trinkets from a time with a person I don’t even speak to anymore, music boxes that i’ve hated and yet held on to because my father bought them for me) that I was searching frantically for a wedding photo of me and my hubby to put up because that’s what every home seems to have…but that isn’t us. 

In this moment as I was searching for that photo I discovered something wonderful.  This really is MY life.  I don’t have to live it by anybody’s rules except my own (and the county’s…apparently they get all uppity when you want to display yourself publicly in your birthday suit).  My wedding day was a nice day and all, but it was just one day.  And I was bloated and gross and my aunt took the photos and she underexposed half of them and I really didn’t care for any of my photos at all.  But what I do care about is the photo of us dancing at my best friend’s wedding, our recent trip to the beach, and us making crazy faces together.  Looking at THESE pictures (which I now have displayed proudly where that silly self-imposed obligation wedding photo would have gone) you will get a sense of who we are and what we are about and what matters most…it is here you will see the marriage and the family we’ve created. I’m proud to display these photos and I’m proud to be part of this family (who let me decorate however I wish LOL).

So as I took all the remnants from the mantle and bookshelves, I put them in a box and I joined Freecycle.  You probably have one in your area and basically it’s just a group where you list stuff you have and you GIVE it to someone else who can give it a good home when you no longer want it. (It’s the epitome of “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure”). 

My first post had to be an offer.  No problem at all. Someone needed material because she was learning to sew.  I had old material when I used to make my own photo studio backdrops, so I contacted her.  (and mom if you’re reading this, yes, I meet in a public place and I actually have a check-in system with a friend when I’m done with the meeting). 

There were several wants and several offers and one caught my eye.  A woman’s unemployment check didn’t stretch far enough this month and she needed food for her dogs and cats and her family.  I don’t have a lot of extra to spare, but I really think if you can’t help out your neighbor then this world really is crap.  Could she be playing me and several other freecyclers? Sure, but that’s when faith kicks in.  And if a baggie of cat food, a few milkbones, and some pop tarts and pancake mix can help, then that is something I’m ok taking a chance on.

So what I’m saying is that I thought I had it really really bad and in my reality it is really really bad…but I have a pantry full of food and a network of friends and family that wouldn’t ever let me or my family starve.

So I am completely blessed and richer than I thought I was because of that fact. And now I’m going to go pay it forward.

I love that my husband and I have a secret language all our own. Like he understood what I meant when I said

“do cups with the football until Zach gets to 5 bucks ok?”

you’d only understand too if you were us and you watched Friends

Favorite things from today:
- listening to children enjoy daddy-time in the backyard

- making delicious smoothies to stave off this heat

- making 2 new pieces of jewelry

- making one of the pieces of jewelry become something when it was originally going to be tossed out

My not so favorite things about today:

- proving that I’m a bit too incompetent for instant mashed potatoes as they boiled over again!

My older son has this annoying habit of saying “that’s ok, I didn’t want it anyway.” if I say “I’m taking away tv for the weekend” or any other slew of threats (which I do follow through on) that are rained down upon him in the wake of disobedience or backtalking.

It’s annoying for me as the giver, but really smart on his part as the receiver.  He will not be touched by this sadness, by this decision, he will merely live with it and even get a bit of pleasure out of saying ’screw you, you’re not getting the best of me’ in the nicest way possible.

Embracing this ‘tude (badittude I call it) can really help in the big world too.  It is just basically making lemonade out of lemons, but more as if said lemons dropped into your house via tree that just took out your roof, crystal chandelier, and grandmother’s ashes in that urn you’ve been meaning to move away from the window for years now. You can say “ha ha, free air conditioning, a shiny shard filled floor, and Grandma always did like lemons!” (and if you can say this and not cry then all the more power to you)

I don’t believe in the holy be all end all answer.  I don’t believe that if I just ask the powers that be for a million dollars that it’s going to end up on my doorstep gift wrapped.  I do believe that adopting the badittude will be my saving grace … or at least darn entertaining on the way to the funny farm.

Car tires slashed? I could use the exercise anyway.

Broken leg? I always wanted to use crutches!

You are here to take away all my worldly posessions? I’ve been meaning to declutter and now you’ve saved me the hassle and the trip to Goodwill, awesome!

Appendicitis? I am so excited to lose 3 ounces…

well you get the picture. Think Badittude.

So I’ve been heading to the gym daily and getting in some good workouts. I spin, I lift weights, I am pretty strong …or so I thought!

I got this fancy idea in my head today that we should go for a bike ride as a family (a family of 3 since my oldest boy is out with his Grammie) and I wanted to try a new bike trail that I saw on the bike path map at the gym.  Well, they should really give those away as relief maps because it had it’s ups and downs.  I will never again complain about the slight incline on the way to the market. 

I was really happy Matt had agreed to go with us, he called it an adventure, how could I not bite my tongue? Well because apparently instead of smelling the burnt almonds when you die, I smell cilantro.  At one particular point in our ride when I was struggling up a hill all I could smell was cilantro and I thought “The last smell before I die is cilantro…I hate cilantro”…Of course it could be coincidence that we were riding behind Qdoba Mexican Grill…

But after riding and pushing up all these hills with 20 lbs of camera gear strapped to me, pulling a trailer with a 30 lb kid, a tripod and other various items in the back, I had had enough.  I asked Matt if he wanted to pull the trailer and so we switched bikes.

WOW …I really underestimated how much more weight that trailer and it’s contents added to my ride.  I rode Matt’s bike with no problems except for the fact that I was going SO fast at one point I lost my footing.  I even made it up this hill that I swore I would have to walk up at the end because it was so steep …

What a difference … Matt says “oh it was all uphill so of course it was hard” but coincidentally I had a lot of uphills too, so one of us has a skewed perspective LOL

Well the good news is that after doing that bike ride today, I know I can do a lot more around here than I previously thought I could, including riding down to the Farmer’s Market.

Maybe I’ll get some cilantro while I’m there.